i may not make sense

Today is a bad day to be sick. I mean, every day is a bad day to be sick, but today is an especially bad day to be sick.

My first obstacle of the day was even getting out of bed. I have issues retaining body heat (as I write this, I can feel the coldness of my toes as they press against each other in my socks which are in my boots). My bed is warm, thanks to a fantastic heating pad and the warmth that I had generated and confined for the past couple of hours. Why would I want to leave such bliss?

Going outside was difficult as well. I could see out the window and everything just looked cold. Jeans, boots, wool socks, and about five layers on top. I even left my hair down in the hopes that it would keep my neck warm. Bag stocked with bootleg Vick’s and a roll of toilet paper because I ran out of tissue. I had to brace myself before leaving, but I did not adequately prepare.

Morning classes. I remember sitting and nodding, trying not to sit too close to anyone else for fear of infected them with my delightful ailment. I don’t even know what I have, but I do know that being horizontal sounds amazing. I also remember being judged for whipping out my bootleg Vick’s and putting some under my nose.

Work. I work in the basement of the library, digitizing and archiving original documents. Since everything around me is super old, the room has to be kept at a consistent balmy 50 degrees so nothing deteriorates. The only thing deteriorating in here is me and my mental (physical?) health. I would leave early, but my boss just informed me that she was giving me a raise, and it would probably reflect poorly on me if I had responded with a “kthxbai!” and left. So I am here, using my break to type up something that probably doesn’t make any sense but my hands are cold and I can’t breathe out of my nose.

I had dinner plans tonight, but it looks like I’m going to cancel and curl up in a ball. Oh wait, I have a paper due tomorrow and reading and other stuff, too. Guess I’ll be hunched over my laptop with a cup of tea and tissue rash.

I have reached the point where everything is moving slowly. Watching the seconds tick by on my laptop’s clock only highlight the slowness with which time is moving. When I sneeze, everything snaps back to attention, like in those crappy action movies where the shot goes into slow motion leading up to a punch, but then the punch is delivered all full speed. I bet my sneezes would look pretty epic if shot with the 300 filter.

But why is today an especially bad day to be sick? Because today is 4/20 and my eyes are red and watery and I’m far more lethargic than usual. Today is a bad day to be sick because it arouses suspicion from my professors and employers.