17 March 2014

flowers aren't worth tissue rash

I'm going to be real with you for a minute. I hate spring. Spring and I are not friends. Sure, it's an opportunity to wear coral lipstick (not that seasons ever really dictate my behavior), but I find that spring is not worth the amount of suffering I experience.

Okay, so maybe suffering is too strong a word. But spring is unpleasant for me. The main culprit is allergies. I'm not sure what exactly I'm allergic to — the pollen, the sunshine, cheeriness of the general populace (kidding, sort of) — but whatever it is, it triggers an unfortunate response that, at this point, I can only joke about. I am plagued with itchy, watery eyes and a congested yet runny nose, but what bothers me most about these symptoms is the asymmetry of it all. Usually, only one eye and one nostril are affected at a time. Luckily, the afflicted eye and nostril tend to be on the same side, because otherwise that might actually drive me crazy.

(Side note: the only allergic reaction I've had that was symmetrical was that time when both my eyes were swollen shut, which was...fun. Not as much fun as when they started peeling, though.)

Then, of course, there's the dilemma of how to deal with these symptoms. I've covered sneezes before and still favor the Dracula method, but sometimes other measures must be taken. I'm talking about choosing sniffling versus blowing your nose. Both options are pretty gross. I detest sniffling, both because of the noise and what sniffling entails (WHY), but if my only other option is letting my nose leak everywhere, you can bet I'll be sniffling. I won't like it, though.

Not that blowing my nose is any better. Again, it's noisy and distracting and gross. Also, I don't care who you are or how old you are, but there's always the temptation to look at the contents of the tissue. If you deny it, you're a liar. I've figured out a way to blow my nose silently, but it isn't nearly as effective as the traditional nasal-trumpet method.

Re-reading what I've written, I realize how disgusting I am. I'm also entertained by the fact that the original notes for this post were (unintentionally) written in green pen. But, yeah. Spring is not my favorite.