14 April 2011

i need help

I am well aware that I have a few annoying habits. No one is perfect, and under no circumstances would I consider myself to be as such.

My professor just said, “I have my own neuroses to deal with. I don’t concentrate on what other people are doing.” I laughed out loud. People are staring. Back to pretending to take copious amounts of notes.

Anyways, I understand that I have idiosyncrasies that drive people nuts. I clear my throat with such force that I often startle those around me. I suppose this jarring noise is not extreme enough, because people who know me usually respond with a pithy, “You’re pretty” if they respond at all. Most people I know don’t even notice it anymore.

But, when I do it around people with whom I don’t spend as much time, I am usually met with scolding, or, if done abruptly, colorful phrases indicating their surprise.

I know that I should probably stop. And I will. Eventually.

This topic crossed my mind because of an event that occurred just a few minutes ago. My professor, while ranting about something or other, used the word albeit. Normally, I love this word. Words like albeit and hence make me happy because I don’t think they receive enough attention. However, he pronounced it “al-BAY-it.”

If you hadn’t guessed by now, the mispronunciation triggered a habit of mine. First, I completely tuned out whatever words followed albeit. I heard the way he pronounced it in my mind, then scanned the vault of my mind to hear any other time I have heard anyone pronounce it. I find myself mouthing or even whispering albeit to myself. Then, just to give my professor the benefit of the doubt, I google the correct pronunciation. He’s wrong. I knew it.

I know I need to stop. Not only does this habit make me an awful person, but it also makes me look crazy. I’m sitting by myself, fixated on a word to the point of whispering it to myself. I wish there were some sort of corrective behavior strategy I could implement on myself besides willpower.


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