13 April 2011

on why i cannot possibly be an adult at this point in time

Today marks a milestone in my extensive time here on earth. As of today, I am officially declared in my field of study. That means that I am one step closer to graduation. One step closer to living in the real world. One step closer to being an adult.

Then I realized that, technically, I am an adult. Legally, at least. But in my experience, I think that I would be lying if I said that I am an actual adult. While I’m not sure what exactly constitutes adulthood, I can list a few attributes that I possess that exclude me from that category.

• When I experience hunger pangs in the middle of the night and realize that I have no readily available food (aka something that I can instantly nom without having to prepare anything), I resort to eating whatever I can scavenge. Even though there is a vending machine downstairs fully stocked with goodies, and even though there is ramen that only requires boiling water to make, I choose the easiest option. Which is why, more often that not, my roommate finds me huddled in a corner, face illuminated by my laptop screen, eating raw ramen noodles like chips. Also, when I do actually find chips, I eat them with such impatience that I usually end up with cuts on the corners of my lips and roof of my mouth.

• I have the sense of humor of a twelve-year-old boy. There is a chemistry professor named Poon. Every time I hear his name, I laugh. Ditto humpday. Or anything scatological.

• As previously mentioned, I have an aversion to wearing pants. In addition, I have a penchant for redefining the boundaries of fashion. And by that I mean that I tend to wear the shirt in which I slept the next day. Personally, I don’t see any issues with this habit, but apparently it’s weird.

• I have never been able to drink eight glasses of water a day. I’m not sure why this tidbit of information is relevant to this post or if it even makes sense. But, for whatever reason, I imagine that adults are very good at hydrating themselves. Also, I don’t moisturize nearly as much as I should.

• I apologize incessantly. Even when I know that something isn’t my fault, I will apologize anyway. A girl legit stomped on my toes at a party, and I was the one apologizing for being in her way (even though I know I wasn’t. She was drunk.). I thought that being an adult would make me more commanding, or at the very least make me more assertive.

• On that note, I still have issues asking for things. I know that, as an individual, I have the right to want things, and to pursue those wishes. But being around other people who seem to know what they want to an extent that I don’t makes me retreat to my custom of wishful thinking and self-loathing.

• If given a choice between a mature, grown up salad and a strawberry iced poptart, I will always choose the poptart.


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