15 March 2011

thoughts from a place: home (more specifically, the dining room)

During breaks, I can go an entire day without saying a word. Today is no such day because I called my mom to ask if anything in the fridge was off-limits for me to eat (nothing was). But I have definitely had days like that before. What strikes me is how easy it is. If I lived alone, I would probably never speak. Save for whatever album I happened to be obsessed with at the time, I would live in silence.

When I remain silent for extended periods of time, I start to worry whether or not I would be able to speak normally when the need for such action arises. I know that this anxiety is completely unfounded, but I can’t help but wonder.

Strangely enough, I never break the silence on purpose. Even though I am worried, I don’t test my abilities. It always happens by accident. I will become so enmeshed in my thoughts that hearing the words in my head will not be enough. I close my eyes and visualize them. Even that is not sufficient. I mouth them, then progress to a whisper. Before I realize it, I have ruined the pristine silence. The words flow out of my mouth like a tap, and suddenly my head is no longer overflowing.

Or someone will call my cell phone and I’ll answer.


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